Prologue
Below is a list of tenets to be aware of and strive to one day live by.
You are not better or more important than anyone. But no one is better or more important than you. Unless you’re a regular guy who likes football and there’s someone who plays the game professionally who is taller, stronger, faster, has way more skills than you, and they’re constantly winning trophies. In that case, they’re better than you at football for sure. But outside of that very specific scenario, as a human being, you’re just as good and as important as everyone else. So take your space!
Do your best all the time. You’re not going to be the best all the time. But as far as habits go, having a hard time not doing your best is a pretty good one. Unless you have a job like brain surgeon where you absolutely must be the best always, your best can look different from one day to the next. But do your best whether you’re participating in a hot dog eating contest, bagging groceries, taking a personality test online, or dancing at a wedding where you know there’s going to be video footage. You don’t want to not give your best and then someone posts a video of you online looking stiff, not really moving at all like Frankenstein. You’ll regret that one for sure.
As a general guiding principle, don’t do or say anything you wouldn’t want broadcast all over the internet forever.
Public spaces are shared spaces. Problems occur when an individual treats a public space like their own living room.
How to Succeed in a New Environment
A Guide for Young People
by
Virgil Lesaca
CHAPTER 1
Being good at being by yourself means you’re not dependent on anyone for things like being entertained or feeling good about yourself on a consistent basis. Below is a list of ways to succeed at being alone.
Everyone should have their thing. It may not be something that will bring you fortune and fame. It may be something that no one else can really get into with you. But knowing what you want to spend your free time doing means you’ll always have a direction, a foundation, a basis for all the decisions you make. That thing you do will be your guide to all the places you were meant to go.
Strive to know yourself. Know what you like, what you don’t like. Know what your stance is about things even if your stance is you don’t know. The words come out with more meaning when you’re fine with not knowing. You may not know everything about wine. But if you’ve decided you don’t care to know more about wine (at the moment, you may change your mind later), that’s when your personality starts to show. Then you’ll find other people with similar sensibilities, and you’ll start hanging out with them instead of the wine group. There’s nothing wrong with being into wine by the way.
There will come a time when you realize that even when you’re having a good time and you’re not bothering anyone when someone somehow will find a way to dislike you. That’s fine. Do not for one second make it your mission to change that person’s mind. More on that later. One of the 17 billion facts that exist in the world is you are not always going to be welcomed, accepted, appreciated, or understood by everyone. Be yourself in spite of that factoid.
Some of us have a tendency to seek validation or acceptance from other people. We’re human. We love to connect. It can be a huge bummer when you meet your idol, and you find out they’re different from what you expected and in a bad way. On the other hand, it can be nice when you’re walking down the street and someone tells you, “Hey, your walking style is stellar. Keep it up!” The compliment might put a little extra pep in your step. But do you see how fickle external validation can be? You’re going so far out of your way when you seek validation from other people. Imagine you’re driving to the beach, then a feeling arises, and you take a detour to Home Depot. Then from Home Depot, you go to Walmart. Then you get your oil changed. Now it’s 7PM and that beach trip is history. That’s what seeking validation from other people is like. It’s like unnecessary and also random side missions. The truth about it is everything you think you need in life you’ll find in yourself. You have to be the answer for most if not all of your internal struggles. Find ways to accept the holes in your wall. Patch them up if you have time or if you need to. No other person and no amount of praise or fame or success will ever be enough to fill the void of wanting to be accepted.
CHAPTER 2
Dude, school can be so easy if you just go along for the ride and try to enjoy it. School isn’t for everyone. But if you’re planning on going to college, here are some things you can do to succeed.
Choose a school that’s right for you. Shaquille might have a definite plan for his future and going to Louisiana State University is part of his journey. You may not know what kind of career you want. But don’t go to a school because your partner wants to go there. Go to a school that has the most to offer you. Trade school doesn’t sound as sexy as Harvard, but one thing to know if you’re in the trades, you can live anywhere. There will always be a job for you.
Keep the main thing the main thing. You’re in college to get a degree, graduate, and hopefully get a good job. Socializing is part of college but try to remind yourself why you’re in college to begin with. You want to finish. You’ll regret it if you don’t.
Take care of your mental health. It can get out of control fast especially when you don’t have your regular support system there to lean on (family and friends back home). One way to manage the loneliness and the sheer amount of downtime you’ll have living on campus is to join a club or get a part time job. The point is to be proactive and familiarize yourself with the community. There are maybe about three people in your class who are adjusted and have things figured out. So don’t feel bad if you’re struggling.
Learn how to study efficiently. Don’t ask a freshman and don’t ask a sophomore. They’re still figuring things out. Don’t ask a senior because they’ve already checked out and they’re on autopilot. A junior will give you the tools to study efficiently and teach it to you using a language you understand. When you learn to study efficiently, you’ll have less stress and more time to do things like play Super Smash Bros. for hours with your neighbors.
When seniors graduate, they’ll typically donate or leave their furniture and other things in their apartments. The university gathers all the stuff left behind, throws away the trash, and puts all the good stuff up for sale. It’s sort of like a garage sale except it’s on campus. You can get a couch for five bucks. If you buy a couch, get a couch cover. Don’t buy a mattress.
CHAPTER 3
When you’re a good roommate your ex-roommates will be friends for life, and they’ll always bring up how great it was living with you. When you’re a bad roommate, your ex-roommates will also talk about you sometimes (bad stuff), but they likely will choose to forget you. Here are some tips to be successful at being a roommate.
Be a good hang. That’s literally all you have to do to be successful as a roommate. You could do everything else wrong and still be a good roommate because people like hanging out with you. You can do everything right, but if you’re a bummer to be around, you cancel out all the stuff you do correctly.
If you’re not responsible, you can’t keep a job, you don’t share parking, you create bummer vibes in the house by playing non-stop financial YouTube videos on the big screen in the living room, it eventually won’t matter if you’re a good hang or a bad hang. Paying your bills on time and following the rules of the house are the basics. If you can’t do the basics, you won’t be there long and you will have trouble sticking anywhere until you figure it out.
CHAPTER 4
I think it was the comedian Carrot Top that said, “Find a job you love and you won’t work a day in your life.” He was actually sleepwalking when he said that. The truth is even when you’re doing something you love for work, eventually it starts to feel like a job. But if you want things like financial independence, good credit, your own bachelor pad, and a car to get around, you need money. For most of us, that means we have to work. Here are a few things you can do to succeed at your job.
Invest time and maybe even a few bucks in creating a good resume. A good resume will separate you from the majority of applicants. A good resume will do the work of getting your foot in the door for you.
Before you start applying for jobs, put your social media on private. Employers will look you up.
When you get an interview, take some time to look the company up. They’re going to ask why you applied for the job. You’ll come off as desperate if you don’t show that you made a deliberate choice applying. There’s some connection with the company, maybe their mission statement, that resonates with you.
Dress professionally for the interview. And when you get the job, keep dressing professionally until it’s clear that everyone in the office wears jeans and T-shirts. Go with the flow of traffic so to speak. You don’t want to be “Suit Guy.” If the culture is kind of mixed and there are people who dress professionally, take the safe route and dress business casual.
Your objective is to make your boss look good. You do that by showing up every day on time, keeping your head down, and doing your best at your job. When you’re forced to interact with a colleague, be professional. Treat your boss the same way you’d treat your landlord. You don’t want to be reaching out to the boss all the time. Because when you really need something, they won’t really want to help you. Why? Because they’re always helping you with something. The only time you want your boss talking to you one on one is during review time when they see you’ve done a great job, and they give you a raise.
Don't add your coworkers on social media. Just don’t.
Flirting is fun. But don’t date anyone you work with. Why? Because it’s too easy. You wouldn’t have met this person if you didn’t work there. You’re comfortable with each other because you see each other five days a week. You see each other more than you see your own family sometimes. Would you have been able to establish this kind of connection with each other if you met at a grocery store? The answer is probably no. So, keep things light and fun. You can find a mate anywhere else.
Don’t entertain or share rumors. You can listen and enjoy the gossip in the lunchroom. But the general rule is if you weren’t there, then you don’t know what happened and that’s all you really know. If you must share the juicy gossip with your friends outside of work, don’t mention any names or any identifying information.
Staying at the first good job you get out of college is not a bad idea because you’ll start your 401K there and you’ll have seniority. You’ll likely get promoted to some kind of supervisor position where you don’t have to do much but you get paid nicely. But if your objective is to move from job to job, do the best you can to gain some kind of experience or skill from your current job that you can use to get that next job.
CHAPTER 5
Traveling and visiting new places is something everyone should get a chance to do in our lifetime. But there’s an etiquette that you can follow so that you don’t piss off the locals. Here are a few tips you can follow to succeed at being a visitor.
Observe the locals. Let them dictate your behavior and try to catch up to speed as quickly as you can.
Read the room. You may be funny, likeable, or knowledgeable about wine. But these characteristics are ineffective without tact.
If you’re walking, walk like you’ve got someplace to be. Tourists stick out like sore thumbs in a new environment. They’re easy (or easier) targets for pick-pockets.
The carpool lane is for motorists who are prepared to push the limits of their cars. If you see an open road in front of you but you have a line of cars behind you, that’s your cue to exit the carpool lane as soon as possible. You’ve been holding those people hostage for miles.
The furthest left lane is often known as the “fast lane.” But it’s really a passing lane. That means traffic stays to the right and the left lane is always open for people to pass slower vehicles. The lane is empty for a reason.
Don’t stand at the exit/entrance of a building or at the top/bottom of stairs. Figure out what you want to do off to the side where you’re not in the way of everyone coming and going.
Share the sidewalk or walkway. There are other people in the world who also have things to do and places to go. Be aware of that so that you make space for other people to also enjoy the freedom of moving on with their day.
If you choose to hold the door open for someone, don’t expect a thank you. Hold the door open for other people because you want to. Just know it’s not customary in every country to hold doors open for people. If you do that in a place where that’s not a custom, locals might think you’re rude for holding the door open for them!
CHAPTER 6
Life as a single person can sometimes feel like you’re living in a teen movie from the 1980s. There are lots of emotional peaks and valleys. It’s enough to make you want to stay away from dating all together. Here are some tips that I hope you can use to succeed as a single person.
Love doesn’t exist like it does in love songs or in the movies. Don’t lie to yourself. If you notice you’re feeling like you want that kind of love, imagine a red stop sign in your mind, come back to reality, and carry on.
Never chase. The people who are meant to be in your life will move in and out of your life with ease. Allow this natural way of things to happen.
Don’t text anyone you’re seeing or talking to after 7PM. Also, don’t respond if they reach out to you after 7PM. Reach out the next day if you want. Why? Because you’ve got other things to do. Follow this general rule until you’re in a committed relationship.
The best relationships usually happen when you aren’t looking. Do things like going to a bar or volunteering but do them because you want to. Don’t go to these places with the intent of meeting someone. Let things happen naturally. Meeting someone through mutual friends almost always works out well. Things tend to happen at the time they’re supposed to. So, do your buddies a favor, invite them out, let them meet and see what happens.
THE END